Breahte In. Breathe Out.

I can’t believe it. I feel like my entire life is crashing down around me. Okay, maybe not my entire life--that would be too easy. No… just my relationship.

I’m the good girlfriend. I’m not clingy. I don’t rely on him for everything. I don’t complain. I don’t usually disagree. I don’t require his attention all the time. I encourage him to hang out with his female friends, and I don’t get jealous. I want him to go out with his friends. I don’t complain about his ex-wife basically trying to sabotage our relationship. I don’t complain when he tells me about his exes, even though he has told me many times he‘d be threatening to kill mine if I spoke of them the way he does his. I laugh when he says he wants to have his name tattooed on my arse. I don’t complain or get jealous when he tells me how pretty another girl is (celebrities included). I just agree when he tells me that Nikki used to be a model, and that she was so pretty. Yeah, I’m 5’9.5”, but I’m not model material. I know this. It worries me.

I’m overreacting. This is all because of him telling me Marian told him she’s in love with him tonight. Lovely. Simply fabulous. It scares me. I don’t want to lose him. I felt like telling him, “Alright, let Marian have her go at you then. I‘m finished.” But I literally cannot imagine my life without him.

But he tells me, “Keith loves Atti so much.” Yes, in third person, but it’s our thing. He tells me that he’s waited for me his entire life that that he’s so happy he’s finally found me. He tells me that I’m his and he’s mine.

He told me tonight, “Please don’t get bored of me.”
I said, “Do you really worry about that?”
He said, “Yes.”

I don’t want him to worry. It kills me when he doesn’t sleep well, or he has a bad day. I want him to be happy above myself. I want every day of his life to be better than the last.

Sometimes I think he does some of the things he does so I’ll get jealous. He always tells me about how his exes were really jealous women.

Anyway, I blame Auntie Floe…

I hate hormones.

Oh, I haven't smoked or drank anything but water since whatever day it was. :P